This school year has been the worst since I became an educator. For those who do not know, I teach 2nd grade math. The kids are great, it’s not them. It’s everything else that supposedly goes into being a teacher. Since I went back to work I don’t sleep through the night; I wake up about three times per night and sometimes I don’t go back to sleep, I lie there and the massive, never-ending to-do list unrolls itself through my mind. Sometimes I feel under appreciated. “Thank you” is rare, it’s more of what you can do better to make us look good. This school year I have been restless.
Part of this restlessness we can face at times is made up of the lack of joy we have in a situation. When we experience droughts of joy, there isn’t much of the presence of God in that place. To be completely honest with you, finding joy in strenuous circumstances can be a daunting task in and of itself, but it’s joy that makes even the bitter taste sweet. The joy I’ve found at work is cherishing the moments I have with my students before someone comes in to observe or do whatever they do. It’s also seeeing their growth academically and as people. Seeing them show their capacity. for empathy, compassion, and collaboration shows me they’re getting something out of their day with me.
I’ve also noticed I don’t look forward to going to work anymore and that’s because I just expect more to be dumped on my plate. Meaningful work is good, but it’s the pointless that is draining. I don’t anticipate much good at work and it’s a problem. I’m anxious more times than not and that’s not my inheritance as a child of God. God desires for me to anticipate good because He is the ultimate good and secondly, anxiety kills just as surely as being angry and bitter does. I’ve been looking for good things to bump into at work and being able to talk to coworkers who understand, receive advice on how to handle what comes with the territory, and simply cultivating friendships that gets me through.
Part of combating restlessness is actively finding what brings rest, but the other half of the battle is learning to be still. God is our rest and our dependency on His grace is what keeps us fay by day. God is faithful even when we don’t see the fruit of His faithfulness, but once we do in retrospect it puts into perspective how present and attentive the Lord is with all areas of our lives. Being still while restless can be difficult—at night we toss and turn when we can’t sleep, but the same is true in other areas of life as well. When we become restless we tend to move too much and not allow God to do the moving. This is a lesson that’s not fun to learn in the moment, but it’s worth it in the end. When God is the one moving around in our restlessness, He’s positioning us to have more of Him—more joy, hope, peace. If you are experiencing restlessness like I am, I pray we’ll be encouraged to fight and be still.
Until next time, continue to stay guided by grace,
Tra
Guided by Grace 