When I was sitting at the kitchen table at home in 2019 mulling over what to name this blog, several ideas popped into my head. Honestly, I can’t remember any of them but Guided by Grace wasn’t initially amongst the choices. How I landed on the title was writing a draft of the very first blog I ever wrote “Knowing Your God and Knowing Yoursef.” Once I got to the end of the post the farewell read, “Until next time, continue to stay guided by grace,” and that stood out to me. It was as if the words were bolded — guided by grace. Instantly I knew what to name this blog. To be guided by grace is to mess up and understand that you make mistakes; not everything will go according to plan and life has a way of happening to us all, but God covers us just as He did the humans in the garden after they sinned. To be guided by grace is the realization that you’re naked and that realization bringing about shame, yet the shame bows down to the kindness of God. To be guided by grace is to follow the voice of the Shepherd who leads us through the wilderness to green pasture and still waters to calm our anxieties. Sheep have such poor eyesight that they can only see about six feet in front of them, so they have to listen for the voice of the one leading them. They have no idea where they’re going, but discerning the voice of the one who does know is what keeps them secure. To be guided by grace is about honing our ear to the voice of God.
If you read throughout my posts, a constant theme of trusting the story of God’s goodness shows up frequently. Our stories aren’t all filled with good—infertility, domestic abuse, sexual assault, infidelity, loneliness, mental health crises—you know your story better than I do. But the constant amid all the variables of our lives is the goodness of God. Whatever you are able to tell the story about means it did not kill you. What was meant to harm you and take you out by the enemy, God had you on extended life support. God is a mighty good God. For that, His goodness is worth trusting no matter how much sorrow and suffering we deal with. In Hebrew the image of grace is that God leans towards us and Hos glory is poured in to us—we call this out pouring “favor”— and He pours to overflow. Another image is God giving us strength to deal with what we have to deal with. To be guided by grace is to be led by the favor and glory of God and to be given strength when you want to give up.
I’ve been wrestling internally lately with hope and hopelessness. Hope is life itself. Hope is the trust that whatever comes God will not change, His love is steadfast and His mercy endures all things. It is the life Jesus walked and the life we preach about. Hope is the anchor of the soul and placing your hope on steady ground is what gets us through the deep waters as David would call them. The ultimate hope is God’s goodness. Hopelessness is a form of death. It boxes in the goodness of God and it’s its own sort of hell. Hopelessness is a living hell and that’s not really a life worth living. Soon you’ll be reading a blog post about how the sin of Judas was not betraying Jesus or committing suicide, but he was hopeless and gave up on God. Hopelessness is the antithesis of the story of God’s goodness. It does creep into our minds and hearts at times and I’m not ashamed to say I have struggled with it recently. As disclosed last week, I was unofficially diagnosed with some sort of eye condition. Particularly this condition is destroying the cells in my eyes which is greatly affecting my central vision. Living with this thing has been a challenge for me because I can’t do some of the things I used to. I’m closing in on 25 and I have to sit in waiting rooms with people three times my age for an issue that young people just don’t have. I wrestle with anger and resentment. I envy literally anyone with good eyesight or just better eyesight than mine.
Admittedly, there are times where I feel the Lord isn’t listening or at the absolute worst doesn’t care about where I’m at or how I feel. (I know, I know. Just keep reading the story it gets better.) While it may shock some, even David wrestled with hope and hopeless and feeling forgotten by the Lord,
“How long, O m Yahweh? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I bear pain in my soul, and have sorrow in my heart all day long? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, O Lord my God! Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death,”
Psalm 13:1-3
Wrestling with hopelessness is not foreign to the life of faith, it allows us with encore and transparency with those we confess to and to the One we pray to. Though I wrestle with hopelessness, I find comfort in hope. My hope is grounded in the story that God wants to tell through me. He is good although life can be pretty rough. Life can be burdensome but He can lift a heavy load. Life doesn’t know us, nor does it care who we are, or happens to us all. We become sick, we are frail and fragile no matter how often we go to the gym or eat right. But God knows us. He’s intentional with everything He does and that’s something I need to remind myself of. Maybe the story God wants to tell through Tra is that His goodness isn’t based on what I see. Though I do not choose this story, nor do I want it, I trust it. I trust His goodness supersedes the comprehensible. That is my hope. My hope is that God will be good to me despite what I’m living with.
I find out what exactly this condition is on Thursday and I foolishly thought I had to wait until Thursday to make up my mind on if I should be hopeful or hopeless; my hope shouldn’t be swayed on a doctor’s report but on the consistent love of God. God sees my hurt and anguish, He knows the anxiety within me and He knows what I can and can’t take. No matter what I hear on Thursday, God is with me. I pray He holds my hand Thursday and whether I receive a good report or one that I refuse, may He continue to guide me by grace. Lord, I will follow You. I trust that You have good in store for me. Help me to overcome my hopelessness and and lean into You just as You lean toward me. My results may say one thing about me, but You have the ultimate say over my life. I pray the prayer of Jeremiah, “Hea, O Yahweh, and I will be healed. Save me and I shall be saved.” The name of Jesus does not only save me from sin but it saves me from sickness. Jesus, thank You for all You’ve done; I trust that I will see You do greater things because You are good and You care for me. To be guided by grace is to know You. It’s to know that I am taken care of and loved unconditionally. By Youru goodness I will stay guided by grace.
Until next time, continue to stay guided by grace,
Tra
Guided by Grace 