Self-kindness is a gift. Receive it.
This is the last post in this series on healing from attachment-related anxiety. I hope that you have enjoyed it as much as I have enjoyed creating, learning, and being convicted myself. None of the topics covered have been simple, and the same goes for this last component of self-compassion. Being kind to others can come naturally, especially when we empathize with someone. At times it can be rather difficult to be kind to ourselves. Why? We live in totality with ourselves and we only live in perspective with others. What I mean by this is that we can’t hide from ourselves—no matter where we go, there we are. We know our strengths and our weaknesses. If we are honest enough we know when we were flat out wrong and should not have done what we did. We know our deepest, darkest sins, we live out our traumas whether we are conscious of them or not. With others we only see what they want us to see. We see glimpses of who they are and especially in the beginning we see exactly what we want to see. People portray themselves in a certain light in certain situations and we sympathize and even empathize with them.
Self-kindness is about being kind to ourselves. It is about feeling good in the moment, while ultimately striving for what is best for the future. It is not about sinning for the weekend and thinking that dancing and jumping around your living room the next day will make what you did the night before godly; it is about cultivating habits of kindness that ensure a healthier, more stable, and secure version of who you are. Leslie Becker-Phelps lays out two ways we can cultivate kindness in Insecure in Love that impact both the physical and spiritual needs we have:
Feed Your Body
Anxious people (this involves everyone who is not securely attached) have tendencies to give up when life gets a bit too rough. They do not care for themselves as they should and they feel as though they can earn the love they deserve by taking on more then they should and caring for others. Being kind to others is a quality that should be desired, but do not neglect your physical health—for anything or anyone. Here are three things that should always be a top priority:
- •Maintinaing a healthy diet
- Having a consistent and sufficient sleep schedule
- Exercise often
Feed Your Spirit
This is all about staying connected to something larger than yourself. Individually, you are not the center of the universe there is always something greater at work than us. Not everyone is spiritual, and I get that, but feeding the spirit is about remaining connected to the greater work being done. Some people refer to this “greater than us” as God, others call it The Universe, some are solely devoted to serving humanity. I have decided the greater work going on that I need to be connected to is God. I have to stay connected with God. Connectivity to something greater than you brings about an awe for the world in which we live. It reminds us of how vast and wonderful everything truly is. It also helps us cope in times of uncertainty and anxiety. Ways to stay connected spiritually are:
- Prayer
- Meditation
- Attending religious services
- Journaling
- Studying religious texts
- Developing compassion and love for others
- Being involved with nature
Exercise: Finding Healthier Ways to Comfort Yourself
If you are able to read this post I am sure you will agree that life can be challenging. Speaking for personal experience, 2021 has been the most unpredictable year of my life. I know 2020 was something, but 2021 has been full of surprises, and not all of them good. Addictions are formed from one of two avenues—running from pain or running from anxiety—and unfortunately, emotional distress causes both. As a result, many people result to comfort themselves with what is easily accessible and not what is best for them—smoking, drinking, cheating, unwise spending, isolation, unhealthy overeating, and the list goes on. Being kind to yourself never involves you looking bad. If it causes any form of guilt, shame, or anxiety it is not of the Lord. and it is not kind to yourself. Instead of settling for convenience, strive for what is best:
- Walk ten minutes per day
- Meet with friends
- Find a good show to binge watch (I recommend The Chosen)
- PRAYING
- Kickboxing/yoga/exercise
- Listening to your favorite music
- Date yourself
- Instead of cheating and blaming it on God—go to therapy! It helps!
It is my prayer that this series has helped you in some way, shape, form or fashion. Healing looks and feels different for all of us but one thing that healing does not have to incorporate is sin. I desired over the last ten weeks to create a series that was first and foremost honoring to God and that challenges us to not only look in the mirror but change our lives when we see things we do not like in healthy ways. Life happens to us all and life can hurt. The great thing is that healing can happen from any circumstance if you do not give up. I pray that you continue to reread and reflect on these posts as part of your journey. By all means, please get a copy of the Insecure in Love by Leslie Becker-Phelps and most importantly, I pray you would become more aware of who you are and more loving to yourself. You deserve it. The love you deserve begins with you.
Until next time, continue to stay guided by grace,
Tra
Guided by Grace 