Ignoring pain causes more pain
This post will be a little different. This post comes from a more personal stance than the previous installments. I did not post at all last week because I was practicing what this post is all about. As a preacher I believe that I cannot feed God’s people anything I am not willing to eat myself. I am adopting that same stance as a blogger. I had to pinpoint what I was feeling in my body and listen to it because ignoring how you feel tends to lead to an even bumpier journey than we actually have to take. Life does not have to be as hard as it’s been; sometimes we make things harder thinking we know what is best. There is a difference between being led by desires and emotions and having an awareness of what could happen if necessary changes are not made. At times the Lord allows us to experience certain emotions because He is telling us to act. As you all know I am a first grade teacher and teaching is only a portion of what we do. Teachers are not babysitters, we are more like guardians away from guardians. Since this is Guided by Grace and this is a safe place to be true to who we are, teaching is exhausting. I had a student poke another student in the eye with a pencil, one student had an allergic reaction at lunch, someone always has to use the restroom, there are so many tedious tasks we have to accomplish, trainings we have to complete, and there is never not something due. To ice the cake, this school year is not a normal one either. There is increased stress this year than last year. I was coming home and going to bed at 7:45pm, I was feeling pain in places a 24 year old should not feel pain, when I am feeling stressed my eating habits are poor; I simply just stop eating, I felt as though I was always on the go, and I was starting to run on a loop.
I had to take time to myself and scan my body, I had to truly pay attention to what I was feeling and these are the emotions that I took note of;
- fatigue
- anxiety
- frustration
- confusion
- stress
- defeat
- overwhelmed
- lost
- uncertain
- weak
Becoming aware of our emotions involves us understanding that our thoughts and emotions are not monolithic, they are not one and the same. They can also be contrary to one another. For instance, I think my job is amazing, I think I am growing as an educator, I know I enjoy my job, yet my job has invoked these conflicting emotions in my heart. One of the beautiful truths about emotions is that they are the richness and variety of life. Love and life itself would be a stale existence without the spectrum of emotions we feel. It is not a sin to feel how you feel; sin is ignoring how we feel and causing ourselves deeper pain. That is self-inflicted emotional abuse. God is not looking for strong soldiers, He wants honest children.
The best way to become aware of what it is that we are feeling is to see our emotions as pebbles and boulders. The next time you are distressed or uncomfortable, notice how tight and heavy your chest gets—you either have pebbles or boulders resting on your chest. The greater the tightness, the more likely there are unresolved emotions rising to the surface. For instance, did you know that anger is not an emotion we automatically feel? Anger is an amalgam of emotions clumped together that creates what we know as anger. Anger is a secondary emotion. We feel at least one other emotion before we experience anger. When we leave conflicts and situations unresolved, the emotions we felt about them slips into our unconscious and whenever the possibility of facing that person or situation arises, the brain, which has held on to those fears and frustrations, goes into protective mode and wants to save you from the situation that, in all honesty, needs to be addressed.
Returning from the pebbles and boulders analogy, if we take a closer look at the boulder of emotions that sits on us when we are tense, we will notice that this boulder is made up of smaller pebbles. These pebbles are the myriad of emotions that have accumulated that causes us discomfort. To become better at know how we feel, it is best to label our emotions. Pinpoint and identify what exactly you are feeling . This involves intentionality and honesty with yourself and partaking in identifying and labeling emotions helps to accomplish what we looked at a few weeks ago in restricting the brain. It also allows us opportunity to act differently, approach conflicts differently, and enjoy healthier relationships. Becoming more aware of emotions is especially beneficial for those of us who struggle with avoidant patterns and have fearful attachment styles.
Awareness of emotions is not limited to knowing what you feel. The next step is what to do with the emotions you have labeled. The next step is to self-regulate, or manage these emotions; nurture them and soothe them. For many, this involves suppressing, numbing, denying, and ignoring how they feel, but there are healthier and holier alternatives to dealing with heavy emotions—including the more positive preferred ones. When I practice awareness of my emotions, I practice different kinds of prayer. My first step is to take how I feel, all the good and bad to God because I do not want to move in any way that does not glorify Him ultimately. Then I confess my emotions to someone I trust, lastly, I engage in something I enjoy (if I am not asleep).
Exercise: Befriending Your Emotions
Healing comes from stepping outside of our experiences long enough to understand and make sense of them. This lessens our investment to how emotional tied we are to what we are confronted with. It strives to kee us more objective and aware of ourselves. Acknowledging and labeling emotions can calm the amygdala, the part of the brain that control our fight-or-flight response. This means dimly understand what you are feeling can reduce fearfulness. Here is an exercise you can practice in your journal throughout the week to become more aware of what you are feeling:
Situation— What happened? Briefly describe what event took place, whether it happened to you, or it is an anxious thought. For instance, there was a conflict with your partner over an issue.
Sensations— What did you feel in your body? Was there any tightness, tension, an adrenaline rush, increased heart rate?
Behaviors— What actions did you take after the conflict? What actions did your partner take after the conflict?
Thoughts— What thoughts did you think after the conflict?
Emotions— Simoly lost out how the conflict made you feel.
In order to become more aware, you have to tolerate your emotions. Toleration comes through mindfulness and meditation. It also comes through curiosity. Curiosity can be done through identifying emotions. Become more curious about yourself. Why do you feel the way you do about certain things and people? Do you see some of those undesirable characteristics in yourself? In the same way you desire to be pursed by someone else, pursue yourself. Become interested in understanding the person God loves so much.
Until next time, continue to stay guided by grace,
Tra
Guided by Grace 